Funny Quotes About Lawyers to Make You Laugh

Were you aware that lawyer jokes are so old in Shakespeare’s work? These modern pictures are deserving of Bard.

Funny quotations from the hilarious comments of lawyers will make lawyers chuckle, and all of these funny comments will take you.

It’s crazy what these quotations mean, and the only way I can see is to read it first.

Much of the time spent as a lawyer is packed with stressful cases, heaps of paperwork and working hours. Though working as a lawyer is satisfying, you can use a laugh for days.

Then why are you not smiling at yourself a little? Funny lawyer quotes are funny witches that lawyers will use to raise their minds after reading 6000 pages of briefs and slaves for months in a difficult case. 

This article offers the best quotes for lawyers — all of which are amusing, motivating and famous quotes on lawyers and their professions.

It also contains gratitude for attorneys who have derived from their advice and want to find the right terms to share their gratitude. Pick your favorites quotes free to comment.

Funny Lawyer Jokes to Get Us Started

“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?”
“Well, your Honour,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”

What do you call 5000 dead criminal defense lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
“Can you tell me how much you charge?”, said the client.
“Of course”, the lawyer replied, “I charge $200 to answer three questions!”
“Well that’s a bit steep, isn’t it?”
“Yes it is”, said the lawyer, “And what’s your third question?”

What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

How do you get a group of personal injury lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say “Fees!”

Quotes Funny Quotes about Lawyers 

“A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a ‘brief.’”

  • Franz Kafka

“The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the [person] of every calling, is diligence.”

  • Abraham Lincoln

“I busted a mirror and got 7 years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me 5.”

  • Stephen Wright

“A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools.”

  • Thomas Jefferson

“A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.”

  • Robert Frost

“When I’m sometimes asked when will there be enough women on the Supreme Court and I say, ‘When there are 9,’ people are shocked. But there’d been 9 men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that.”

  • Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg Tweet this
    “Be sure to put your feet in the right place, and then stand firm.”
    – Abraham Lincoln

“You just hold your head high and keep those fists down. No matter what anybody says to you, don’t you let ’em get your goat. Try fighting’ with your head for a change.”

  • Harper Lee

“My client may deserve serious punishment, but first prove that’s the case. And remember at all times that he’s a human being, which means he must be treated with minimum standards of decency because doing so redeems not only him but you.”

  • Scott Turow

Finals Thoughts on Funny Quotes about Lawyers

Becoming a lawyer is a tough process, and it takes an educated person to realize and try what is needed. 

Law is not necessarily the most thrilling or happiest career. It includes disgruntled consumers, people who do not enjoy the whole job, hours spent in tight offices and loads of paperwork.

This is obvious in some of the citations you read above. There’s just one left to the experts. A statute is precious not because it is a statute, but because it is right.

If you need a pick-up, you can help with any of these amusing lawyer quotes. For everything else, simply visit our main page at

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